To my Son:
You were born different.
I wanted you to be like the others. I wanted to change you.
I did not accept you for who you were.
I’m sorry.
I was wrong, hurtfully wrong, and I wish I’d been wiser.
I apologize for all the ways I failed you, large and small.
I love you.
My only wish for you is that you remain happy and free from suffering.
That’s always been my wish, even in those times when I lacked the wisdom to act on it.
I’m thankful for you and the happiness you brought me.
It took me time and tears to appreciate your unique qualities.
The fault was in me; I needed to change. When I accepted you wholeheartedly exactly as you were, I no longer wanted to change you.
Only then, I fully appreciated the joy you brought to my life.
I’m sorry for the wasted years when I rejected even a small part of you.
I was a fool.
Every day, you allowed me to serve as the agent of your will in the world.
In serving you wisely, I hope, I found the boundless joy of giving, unfettered by fear of exploitation, a pure joy, deeply satisfying.
When you grew into a man, you became my best friend and constant companion.
You are fun and funny, entertaining me with your smile.
You are loyal, devoted, and loving, and I always felt you sincerely appreciated the time and love I poured into you.
You became a buoyant, playful, deliriously happy man.
Your character expresses itself through giving, acceptance, affection, and your burning desire to help others.
You embody all that I fell short of. I admire you, and I deeply respect the man you became.
I gave you all the years of love and support that I could.
In devoting myself to you, Life revealed a hidden path to Love that few are privileged to travel — a path only open to me because of you.
I am blessed to have a son like you. I’m thankful you were so patient while I found my way to you.
The time is coming soon when I will not be there to care for you, hug you, or love you. I know you will miss my companionship.
Whatever remains of me will long to be with you again.
Do not fear the changes in your life after I’m gone.
I lived with that fear and prepared for this change so that you will be well cared for.
The world is full of good people, and I arranged affairs to ensure your remaining time is full of caregivers who will be kind and loving, putting your needs and wants first.
And my deepest hope was that someone will love you enough to hug you like I did.
Everyone deserves the affection of a simple, loving hug.
As my last bequest, I give you the only thing of value I have left to offer.
During my life, if I gave more than I took, if I accumulated any wealth of merit or goodwill, if my life produced anything of intangible value at all, I tender all my emotional wealth to you and the caregivers who will provide for you after I’m gone.
By surrendering all my merit and goodness to you at my death, only my foibles will go with me.
Without goodness, I may be judged harshly by God, or I may reincarnate as a honey bee to learn the joy of service to others all over again.
Whatever price I paid in the afterlife, I gladly paid it, my son, to ensure the rest of your life is full of joy, love, good times, and warm hugs.
